a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
