Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
