Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
