So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize