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im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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