dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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