sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
