The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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