Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
