I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
