Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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