Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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