I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
