I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
