So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
