When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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