you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
