I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
