i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
