So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
