You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
