I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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