On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
