Only a mothe r could love this liver
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
