I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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