I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
