he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
