i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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