he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize