did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
