Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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