oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
