Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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