So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
