I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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