This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
