i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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