U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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