My friends, they love my intelligence
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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