if i can run in heels then i can drive
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
