He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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