we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
