If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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