we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
