how can u be prego again
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
