I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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