Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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