yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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