Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
