I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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