All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
