Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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