i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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