I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize