If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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