He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
