so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Duck Duck Cougar?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
