you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
