i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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