Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
