i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
