You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
