Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
