i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A bitchslap is in order.
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