never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
