Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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