it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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