So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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