do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
