Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this is an emotional support booty call
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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