why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
