she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
