let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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