i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
