new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
