I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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