I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
