HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize