"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
