why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
