I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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