you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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