i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
