If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
