I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
