honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why do cheetos always look like penises
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
