***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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