Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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