U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
