Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
