note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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