I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize