FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
