Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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