Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
