Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
