you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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