I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
