i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
NoShamevember. You game?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
