just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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