Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
