I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
