Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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