I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i think my cat just said my name.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
