fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
