I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
